i can only say so much.
     
yanyan's stories. life as written by me.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
life questions

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Why is life so hard?

Why is love so hard?

Why are relationships hard?

Why am I not happy anymore?

Why do people get hurt?

Why am I feeling numb?

Why am I so afraid?

What am I afraid of?

Why are meaningful conversations so important to me?

Why am I so opinionated?

Why do i hate losing?

Why do I expect too much?

Why are parents so weird?

Why are pictures torn into pieces?

Why do drawings end up in the trash?

Why can't they understand?

Why does my family avoid talking calmly and peacefully?

Why do I look for warmth?

Why am I so confused?

Why does my head ache?

Why do I feel like i want to let go?

Why did it rain hard on me today?

Why do I hurt?

Why do I hurt others?

Why do tears fall when we sing sad songs?

Why do I want to rebel?

Why is life unfair?

Why are people unhappy?

Why am I unhappy?

Why am I still up?

Why are changes so hard?

Why can't I seem to reach you?

Why don't I seem to matter?

Why do people get tired?

Why do we need sweetness?

Why do the right words escape us when we need them the most?

Why do words escape you?

Why can't we get what we want?

Why are you mad?

Why don't you want to talk?

Why am I numb?

Why am I unhappy?

Why is life hard?

Why is love hard?

Why does it seem hopeless?



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GMG @ Y-SPEAK

Just in case I forget, here's what happened. (for documentation haha)

* YVote. Event/Movement?Program ng Studio 23 to convince the youth about the importance of voting. Election + the youth basically...



We left DLSU at 3pm. All packed up in Jeff Sy's car, we went to SM City Manila to find a parking space. After a few side trips to the bathroom and juice stands, we went off quickly to the Bonifacio Shrine. We were so worried that we were late but guess what?! We were so friggin early! Oh and let's not forget the blessed rain that poured down on us. If I were in a different place, I would have been very happy for the cool that comes with it but noooo. For this situation, an outdoor activity, rain sucks... BIG TIME! So there we were, drenched in the rain. And since most of us didn't have umbrellas, we had to settle for the GMG tarpaulins we brought for rain protection! hehe. Genius!

Ten years passed.

After getting wet, drying a little and then getting wet again, the rain finally decided to stop. Sheesh. My feet were already protesting by this time. If it weren't for the uber fun personalities of GMG, we would have been desperate and pissed. Picturials galore, PSPs, and statement protests passed our time.

It was already dark and at last the show started. Mo Twister and Bianca Gonzales showed up. Mo was kind enough to mingle with us and I was suprised to see that he seemed nice naman pala. hehe. Jason Cuadrado (?), the Ateneo kid from PBB Teens and some other people showed up too. Ricci Chan (i luv u didi) was also there, as well as Kuya Kim! hehe. Hep hep hep! Let us not forget the lovable Sam Concepcion! hehe. He is sooo cute. Yeah I know he's too young but he's cute nonetheless. :P

There we were, the manipulated crowd that we were, together with some other students from STI, Universidad De Maynila and First Time Voters group sumthin sumthin plus the usual passersby and the pinoy usi's.. We were asked to appear for a live feed for Wazzup Wazzup, but once again, we were just the crowd behind. Ngek. haha. At least I saw the smallness of mine and Ate Jad's heads on the TV screen for a while. hahaha. baduy! =P

Majoy and Pam Pasia joined in on a few games. haha. represent! Manong Magsy who looked dashing by the way (kakagaling lang nila ni Jad sa raket kc, haha) convinced everyone that he was a photographer for the event. Amazing. ... A few bands performed though I had no idea who most of them were. Sam (my labs) sang a Bamboo song but let's not judge a-la-american idol on this one okay? Cut him some slack, he's undergoing puberty for goodness' sake. Let us forgive his high-pitched voice. hehehe. His cuteness makes up for it. (biased ba?) hehe

My feet didn't forget to remind me of how sore they were all through-out the event. Hooray.

A few of the girls in our group were so adorable. They kept their juices up and were hyper for most of the time. They were always jumping and screaming. No wonder the cameras always focused on them. Haha. Go GMG gals + Mike Marc! =P

Let us not forget my short TV exposure! Yahuu! Nikki Bau and I were asked to represent DLSU and were interviewed for a short while. This is where I plug. Watch Y-SPEAK this Sunday okay? YOu'll see us there. hahaha. Although I'm not sure if my answer made any sense. I am sure though that I looked wasted and sabaw! haha. Before the interview, I got a chance to talk to Sam and this other dude host, Dave( I think). Up and close with Sam yeahboi! May shakehands pa! Wahahaha. Sige na nga.. the whole waiting in the rain was worth it na. fine! hahahaha. *tawa lang*

There were cute mascots that Majoy hated, lights that blinded everybody, a creepy girl who was so intriguing (she kept on bugging us), fake plackards, practiced responses for the audience, and of course, tons of humid air! Yeah.

After more camwhoring for GMG, we decided to leave. And off Elaine and I went, to go home. :)

I still don't know if I will vote. Oh well. Tiring pero masaya naman yung event. Thanks GMG sa mga pumunta. :)


Nuod kayo ha. :P

Wednesday, April 18, 2007
evil summer heat

summer is indeed here. at last. i've been able to submit my last few projects. i must say though that it wasn't a peace of cake. in fact, i actually thought that i might have a heart attack anytime because the pressure i underwent. whew. thank the lord for guiding me and sending me angelic people who helped me. thank you.

~

after the vidprod viewing of final projects, deretsong subic na para sa underground LTTS (leadership training and teambuilding seminar) ng incoming and outgoing GMG officers. we got there at around 10 pm-ish. it was a very memorable experience. mommy ria, ate jackieB, ate jad, ate jemie, ate marien, and caren really touched us with their efforts in the games, planning, food prepapration and everything. those guys were really inspiring. so there we were, nikkibau, clarence, majoy, benjie, jose, glenn, bj, regine and me, the incoming officers... waaah. sadly, we didn't get to go to the beach, but we got wet in one of the games though. plus, i think, it's more fun. haha. thanks to bj for their house! it was fun to get lost before finding it. the village was beatiful. :P

~

sunday. umiyak ako kasi jave teased me about the mushroom soup and stupid pizza slice. the lesson here is, wag lolokohin si ariane pag gutom. rawr! hahaha. well actually, it was more of just a trigger kasi, i aslo cried my heart out na. school stress, family problems, cellphone problems, disappoiontments, guilt, shortcomings and every single problem i had, they all came out in my tears. i really needed a good cry for a long time. ika ko nga, "this is ariane breaking down". it was ugly, este i was ugly, pero i really needed that. at least now i'm cleansed. well, sort of. oh, and it was less of iyak, it was more of ngawa at hagulgol. hehehe. thnk u james! haha. =P

~

yesterday, racket for mommy ria. kasama ko si jana. ang saya. sarap ng cocktail food sa shangri-la makati. it was heaven for me dahil desserts galore!!! the best yung cream puffs. it was the 10th anniversary kasi of Amway Phils. . Afterwards we went to Capones or was it Capone's? oh well... salamat kay Richardee sa ride home. oh oh! May creepy photographer dude nga pala dun sa event. Heller naman! He was old na noh! And he looked like my father pa. yikes!!! oh well basta. haha. ang ganda nung flowers dun sa place. i looove flowers. :) kaya kami naman ni jana eh pichur lang ng pichur! haha...

~

i finally have the free time that i have long been praying for but i'm not happy. wanna know why? eh kasi naman! ANG INIT INIT SA PILIPINAS! rawr!!!! pramis. it was so freakin hot today. there was a pitcher on top of our table kanina, when i poured out the water, my golly i was shocked! lukewarm yung water!!! hindi normal, i mean, ang init nung tubig! haha. ibig ba sabihin yun yung room temp dito kanina? waw! ang saklap diba? and the whole day, one's face will be full of oil, lagkit and ugh.. hihihi. ang init talaga.

~

pahabol. lagi nlng ako.. haaay... nkkfrustr8 na.

Monday, April 09, 2007
bears.

Here we go. The last week of this schoolyear is here. Yikes! Hmm let's see... I have one Stat final exam, one final video(which is sooo not easy), one drama script, one introre exercise and a research proposal left on my back. Did I forget anything? My oh my... Lord help me. Sobrang ayoko na muna mag-aral eh. Im tired. hehe. Comm Arts is tiring. hahaha...

Okay. Kwento na lang muna..

I have a new teddy bear. His name's Dylan! I got him from my Tita. He's so cute. Finally, may kapatid na si Rev(who I'm missin btw). Hawig kasi sila eh. haha.

Nikki our puppy is growing na! hehe. She's getting bigger ang longer. Unruly pa rin ang buhok niya as always, and she still reminds me of teddy bears. :) Kaso minsan pala, napagkakamalan ko siyang lalaki. Ay, at mukhang namamayat din ata siya. tsk tsk..

Vidprod shoot pushed through last Saturday. Jave was the leading character. harhar! Byebye shyness! I'm so touched by his support. Thank you po! Love u! :) Danika, lolo adi and tarcy were also there. Nakakatawa si Lolo kasi dalawa yung role niya. So we had to dress him up with shades and a cap para hindi halata. hehe. Si Dexsad kasi eh, di makapunta kasi walang tubig sa kanila. Di tuloy siya makaligo. haha

Ang nakakabadtrip lng these past few days eh si mama. Lagi ba naman kasi akong inaaway at binabara. Rawr. Kahit magpaka-sweet ka na at bigyan siya ng stuff or offeran ng sumthin, babarahin ka pa rin. Haller nmn. At masyado pa niya akong dinudutdot about faith issues. Haaay nku! I know my faith and beliefs. Yung pangungulit pa nga niya ang nagtutulak sakin na wag gawin ang mga bagay bagay eh. Argg.


Napakainit mga kaibigan! Sobra. Kahapon tuloy napabili ako ng Strawberry shake dahil sa uhaw. Ang bait nga nung tindera kasi binigyan niya ako ng free pearls. haha! 5pesos din yun! :)

Gusto ko magswimming! Well, tehcnically hindi pa ako super marunong magswimming pero you know what I mean. Gusto ko mag-outing. Whatever! haha.

Thursday, April 05, 2007
sh*t

this has got to be one of the suckiest holy weeks ever.

my family is doing the extreme contradiction of what people ought to do during these days. talk about unholy.

i hate my family.

and while some people are either praying or out in the beach, I'm stuck at home with pending deadlines and tons of schoolwork.

wow.


what a week.


can't we just please go fast forward?


or can't i just please hide in some island resort or something?



damn it.