i am usually a sunny person. i mean, i like the sun. i love sunny days. they make me happy. and usually, i hate it when it rains. but today, as i was riding the bus to school, i suddenly realized something. it was dark and gloomy outside but i felt good.

the cold actually felt nice and comfy. i wasn't at all disturbed by the absence of my happy sunny day. i guess, now it's safe to say that i have grown. i have changed. funny that last night, i have finally decided to let go. i kinda relate it to having to let go of harry potter when i finished the last book. of course, it would still be my first love and i will return to it at times for refuge and reminiscence's sake. but we just have to accept that most things in this life end. here i say MOST because i am still an idealistic child. there are some things that will remain forever. anyway... when you feel sad, it's okay to feel sad. when you're mad, go ahead and break something. it doesn't do well to repress your feelings. it won't do you any good and might even lead to a heart attack someday. but once you get tired of being down and hurt, you just have to stop and think. you have to analyze the things you want for yourself, how you want your life to be. would you want to be stuck in limbo forever? i don't think so.

the first important thing to be happy is to acknowledge the source of sadness. then decide for yourself that you don't want that anymore. then make a stand. you say it to yourself out loud. i know i had a difficult time doing that. i've been wanting to say it for ages, but somehow, i wasn't able to. it takes courage you see. lots and lots of courage and determination. say it to yourself "i want to let go" and then, just like a spell, it kinda envelopes you in a different kind of light. and your mind(and heart) seems to shift a little inside. you said it at last. i'm so proud of me. good girl. :)

i shed tears along the way. man did i shed tears. but they were part of acknowledging the feelings i have mentioned earlier. crying is okay. it helps. but then, the tears last night were not as much as before. they were kinda destressing in fact. they helped me to realize. as i've said, i want to let go. i want to be happy now. i want to find my happiness too.

you go to sleep and all goes b l a n k.

you resist the necessity to wake up but you have to. it's so nice and comfy in my bed.


then in the morning, while riding the bus, you realize that the rain, the cold and the darkness, doesn't seem to bother you today. because you have moved on.

i'm not saying that i'm now a fan of days like this, i'm still sunny old me. but i'm quite happy for today.

open your eyes and smile. :)