the alarm rings.


she wakes up. still drowsy from sleep.. it's a lazy sunday morning. she goes down to the living room and finds her family there, happily eating their breakfast. they greet her and tell her to sit down and join them. they plan on what to do for that day and even chat about the funniest show they've seen last night on television. after eating, she gets ready to go to mass. they go to church and afterwards they go to a nearby mall to watch a movie. they shop. they laugh. they. they even had a good time teasing the youngest one about worrying too much bout his looks. jokes here and there. mostly from the eldest who is so good at antics. some even from their repectable father. the mother smiles the whole time and is always on the verge of tears from laughing. they go home at the end of the day after eating out. she fixes the things she needs for tomorrow. changes into her pajamas. mom and dad come to tuck her her in. kiss goodnight. . . so much l_o_v_e . so much p-e-a-c-e. so perfect. so easy . . and yet . . . . . . .


SO STUPID!.. this is just a f*cked up imaginary scenario.
life isn't all butterflies, flowers, kisses and hugs.


especially not MINE.


they need help. i knw they do. but how can i, when its focused in their minds that nobody can. or at least nobody within the four walls of this place. both of them. they need love. maybe i do too. but they're not as strong. they might not be able to take it anymore. how can i be sure. i want to help. i want to talk... talk?. haha. talking here means shouting your lungs out. exhaling with fire and cursing all the pains that your heart feels. . . talk. people say i do it so well. but the people i really have talk to, the ones i should have talked to, the ones i want so much to talk to, the ones who need to..i cant. they cant. we were not taught to. we were not raised to. we just cant. talk is not easy. . . but they need help. they need love. and i know i do too. . . . . . . .